JVC – whoa! This is a programme that can change one’s life. In fact, change a nation, change the world – as there are many JVC programmes throughout the world. JVC is a journey of uncertainty and desolation. The values are spot on and challenging, the staff are great support and I am sure that they have great support in the Jesuits. I guess we all join JVC, including the staff and Jesuits, for a deeper journey in our feelings with God, for it is our feelings that take us on this journey.
I can’t speak for the other JVC volunteers, but I can express my feelings on my journey so far in JVC, which are neither negative nor positive about my experience so far, so please take it as the truth, and be encouraged, this is what I wish to value in this writing, the truth. I will also add a poem to show you how I was feeling.
I am a person with high expectations, but find it difficult to be proactive in these expectations. People have told me not to have such high expectations, and others have said it good to have high expectations. I believe it is good to have high expectations, even if you shatter your soul through them; at least you give it a shot. Life is about taking risks. I will be honest, I have had many set backs in fact been hammered into the ground with the mistakes and choices that I have made, but I wouldn’t change a thing, and I will keep taking risks in life, I have had many desolate moments in my life in fact I am in desolation while I write this.
My relationship with God has changed. I don’t know if it has gone deeper or weaker, I see God in a different way, and I am sure I will see God even more differently when I finish. My struggles with the fact I am a Christian distract me from getting deep with God. But I don’t feel scared about this, in fact I feel a sense of liberation. Maybe that’s working in social justice projects for you – the more injustice I see a lot less matters about Christianity.
One thing is for sure, discovering more about yourself is the journey for me. It’s been really painful but also really exciting,
How can one benefit and do a better job in doing social justice, you need to search deep, this might involve crying, yelling, depression, anger and of course desolation.
OK.
On a lighter note, a passion has been born and refreshed on the JVC journey. Seeing through the eyes of injustice, and feeling through the heart of justice, consolation is gathered in this part of the journey. We feel so powerless and hopeless, yet amazingly liberated. Our search for faith overcomes our imperfection and weakness as a human being when we feel God close to us.
It’s quite difficult to write this only six months into the programme, as there are still five months left to complete the journey, but it’s the journey that is the fulfilment, not the end product. My feelings are more alive and real, whereas if I write this at the end of the programme it would take a different form.
The journey
Created with purpose, pulse, feeling and a soul.
Crawling walking running flying!! freedom!!, fumbling slipping falling cant get up!! pain!! Watching wondering thinking!! lost!!! Crying smiling shocked confused angry!! feeling!!! Learning growing humble!! wisdom!!! ( A warrior never gives up in fulfilling their journey)
Covered in darkness, drunk with shame, my anger alights with a raging flame, looking from the eyes of a shadow, listening with the ears of sin, kissing death with thorns in my heart. Isn’t it so easy to follow the person with the horns ( A warrior never gives up in fulfilling their journey)
Waves of energy embrace a skyline, dried up sandstorms weep,
Wind fighting against the detestation (desolation?), a hurricane delivering its irrational thoughts, comets fall with reason, the sea swallows its tongue, God roars with freedom!!!!!! (A warrior never gives up in fulfilling their journey)
One things for sure, without feelings the journey is dull or even dead. My conclusion; life is a journey, no matter how painful or light it is, it’s yours to be felt and respected with all your feelings. Don’t forget, God is with you every step you take in your journey, so go and embrace your destiny – which is the journey itself 
